CAP FERRAT, France -- I've been doing something really nice for my parents for the last two weeks -- pampering myself on the Mediterranean.
Sunning, swimming, walking and dining. Room service, maid service and poolside service.
The way I figure it, I'm indulging in all this luxury to re-energize myself, in large part, for Mom and Dad.
No kidding. Taking periodic vacations, getting away from my everyday cares and responsibilities, allows me to be the best daughter I can be when I'm home.
Statistics confirm that caregivers as a group run a higher risk of sickness and early death than their charges. The problem is that too many caregivers neglect themselves while pouring all their energies into their loved ones.
I'm determined not to let that happen to me.
I've admitted in previous columns that I don't even leave an emergency phone number when I leave town. When I'm away, the responsibility for my parents rests with the staff at their retirement facility and with my sister, Bobbe.
Before I left for France, I called Bobbe in New York to give her my departure and arrival dates -- and nothing more. "You're in charge," I reminded her. And we reviewed prearranged contingency plans in the event of a medical emergency or worse.
Then I disconnected that part of my brain that looks out for my parents and went on holiday.
Taking care
Easier said than done, you say? Well, it did take some practice after I brought my parents to San Diego four years ago and our family roles were reversed.
Yes, it was easy to fall into the trap of spending all my waking hours worrying about them. It was tempting to cancelvacations -- and other aspects of my life -- in case Mom and Dad needed me.
But my husband, Jim, was adamant on the subject. He wouldn't let me forget about the two of us. And I quickly learned that if I didn't take care of myself, I'd run out of energy and wouldn't be there for him or my folks.
Though Dad, who has refused to get out of bed for the last five years, remains a constant worry, Mom has flourished in her retirement facility. She encourages me to take time for myself, says it makes her feel more independent and less guilty about leaning on me. I think she enjoys having a break from my hovering and fussing.
So, I'm paddling around the Med and chilling out under an umbrella in a chaise with a view of Monaco and Italy. And I don't feel a bit guilty. I deserve this treat -- and so do my parents.
But you don't have to fly all the way to the Riviera to be good to yourself. I've encouraged all my friends who care for parents to set aside some special time every day for themselves.
What makes you feel good? How can you pamper yourself?
I've made a list of a few little treats that have given my friends and me the extra energy to get through the rough times.
* Spend an hour shopping;
* Get a manicure and pedicure;
* Go to the movies;
* Read a book in a nearby park;
* Treat yourself to lunch at a restaurant or make a picnic;
* Sit in the sun;
* Take a swim in a neighborhood pool or simply take a short walk. Exercise is one of the best things you can do to revitalize yourself.
No excuses. If your mom and dad live with you, hire a sitter for an hour or two, telephone a nearby school and ask for a volunteer or ask one of your friends to pitch in.
I know, advice is cheap. When I step off the plane in San Diego in a few days, I expect that I'll have to make an effort not to lose myself in my caregiving responsibilities. Even as I write this, I'm starting to dread opening my mail and listening to phone messages demanding the attention of this loving and dutiful daughter.
SNIP-IT: If you're concerned about a family member in another state, you might want to call the Eldercare Locator at (800) 677-1116. The group can give you phone numbers of local referral agencies that can steer you to specialized services.