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The Vancouver Sun (British Columbia)
May 31, 2004 Monday Final Edition
SECTION: WestCoast News; Pete McMartin; Pg. B1
LENGTH: 731 words
SOURCE: Vancouver Sun
BYLINE: Pete McMartin

In May of last year, Bridget McDonagh felt a numbness in her tongue: It was, she said, as if her tongue were "drunk."

By August, that feeling grew to the point where it became apparent to others. Her speech began to slur; some of her words lost their crispness.

This was more than just worrisome to her. It threatened her livelihood. McDonagh was a part-time ESL teacher at Langara College. Divorced, and raising a 17-year-old son and an 11-year-old daughter, she could not afford to lose work.

She visited her doctor. Her doctor referred her to a neurologist.

The news was not good. On Oct. 9, she was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, often referred to as Lou Gehrig's disease. ALS is a form of motor neuron disease, rapidly progressing and almost always fatal. McDonagh's type affected the throat, tongue and larynx, making not just speech difficult, but eating and swallowing.

She was 50 years old and having to face the idea of her own mortality. So, too, were her children.

"My neurologist says some people live up to 18 years after diagnosis, and I think the common life expectancy is two or three years. One out of five cases is as much as five years.

"The children are aware of this, but they are also children, and they have more hope than I have. We have tried to look at this positively, and this isn't well known, but there are people who actually go into remission . . . and I really want to be one of them, and I think the children think I will be. I was reading a quote the other day, and it was 'I don't have a life-threatening disease, I have a disease-threatening life.' I like that attitude."

But McDonagh knew she would have to face up to some terrible eventualities. She had no disability insurance or, because of her part-time status, medical benefits.

Her ex-husband was a loving father to her children, she said, but could not contribute financially to the family as much as he would have liked. Who would pay for their education when she was no longer there? She had a mortgage payment on her three-bedroom condominium, but the $1,200 a month she received from Canada Pension disability did not even cover that.

She was, however, wealthy in friends. Her best friend was Steve Scarlett.

"We started out boyfriend and girlfriend," Scarlett said, "but it didn't work. So we decided to be friends, and we've been best friends ever since then."

There were others friends -- Allyson Brooke, Shelley Stewart, Sherry Armstrong, Susan and Torben Hansen, Bridget's sister Linda McLean -- and one day, they all met together to discuss what they could do to help McDonagh.

"We met as a sort of care group," Scarlett said, "and we decided to reach out to all of Bridget's friends to see what we could do. Our first meeting was on Nov. 19, and I think there were 29 people there. We first came up with a mission statement, and that was to provide Bridget with enough peace of mind so she might live each day to its fullest, and to not have to worry about anything except herself."

What came out of that meeting was something like a miracle. Eighteen people wrote cheques for monthly contributions totalling $2,800 a month. Those cheques ranged from $25 to $500 per month.

The group also decided to ask for lump-sum contributions to go toward educational trust funds for McDonagh's children.

"We raised $32,000 from 30 people," Scarlett said. "It came from very interesting places, including a donation from my real estate agent who sold some property for me. He gave $5,000 of his commission to the trust."

There were also so many offers from friends willing to do housework, or drive the kids to school, or get groceries, that Scarlett has had to act as jobs broker so that McDonagh is assured of having time to herself. Even her hairdresser, McDonagh said, has been a dear: she insists on cutting her hair for free.

For McDonagh, who was tearful recounting all of this, the result has been peace of mind, being able to pay her bills and worry less for her children's future. For her friends, it was a lesson in the limits of the social welfare state.

"We just didn't feel there was a safety net," Scarlett said. "Although there is help, there just isn't enough."

Bridget McDonagh slipped through the social safety net, but fell into the arms of her friends.